Conversations in Grief Blog: A Long Goodbye

A Long Goodbye

by Laura Wessels

I’m leaving Rainbow in May. It’s not that I feel ready to leave my Rainbow family, but that I want to live near our family in Michigan.

This leaving has been arduous, full of tears. It’s been a long goodbye.

The people of Rainbow Community Care have changed me: both my co-workers and the many I’ve companioned on their journeys of dying, grieving, and living. Because of what you have taught me and continue to teach me, I know the losses I’m experiencing right now need to be grieved.

You teach me to ask for help.

You demonstrate countless creative ways to remember your loved one, like tattooing your loved one’s ashes into your body, turning their signature into jewelry, and melting your wedding rings into a turtle pin that you wear every day.

You reveal your musical gifts and allow your music to comfort you and others.

You name your brokenness and call it beautiful, explaining that the hole inside of you is in the shape of your loved one, and it doesn’t need to be filled.

You write poems about your grief and articulate what others are feeling but don’t know how to express. Your words help them to understand that they are not alone.

You remember important days by taking the day off from work, posting on social media who you are remembering, sitting by a quiet lake, and toasting them with a coffee or a glass of wine.

You claim your right to be authentic as you grieve. You share that you never hid your love for your person; why would you hide your grief?

You deal with your lack of motivation by writing down what you got done at the end of your day and then crossing those things off your to-do list.

You did what you needed to do, no matter what anyone else thought: You ordered the turkey pre-sliced for the first Thanksgiving without them because you were not ready to have anyone else carve the turkey. You carted your lawn chair to the cemetery to sit by your loved one and read your book. You prepared and attended a memorial service for one, because you needed to pay attention to your grief.

I will mourn for the people I’ve grown to love, who I’ve companioned on their grief journeys, and for co-workers who have the biggest hearts and have their own beautiful and complicated stories.

I am not an expert on grieving. I’m a listener. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for what you have taught me.

I do want to recommend to you the authors and podcasters who were part of shaping how I offer grief support:

• All There Is with Anderson Cooper; every episode of this podcast has touched me.
• A Hole in the World: Finding Hope in Rituals of Grief and Healing by Amanda Held Opelt
• The Wild Edge of Sorrow: Rituals of Renewal and the Sacred Work of Grief by Francis Weller
• It’s Okay That You’re Not Okay: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn’t Understand by Megan Devine
• Understanding Your Grief: Ten Essential Touchstones for Finding Hope and Healing Your Heart by Alan D. Wolfelt
• Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief by David Kessler

I will always hold the people of Rainbow in my heart.