Conversations in Grief Blog - Grief Goes to the Movies - "Goodbye June"

Grief Goes to the Movies - "Goodbye June"

by Hilary Furnish

It has often been said in one way or another that all of us die alone. This is a sobering idea that often summons feelings of existential dread and is largely (and thankfully) untrue. Most of us, when we reach the end of our lives, will not be alone when we take that final breath. For humans, dying happens in a community and is a shared, social experience. We often end our time as we begin it: surrounded by people who love and care about us. The people who show up for us also come with their own lives, stories, challenges, and grief. This means when we arrive at the end of life, it is not just the dying process that can be tumultuous, but also the experiences we have with those we love along the way. But after all, life is often messy, so it makes sense dying might be as well.

Amid the love and the messiness that can come at the end of life is where we find the characters in the Netflix film, Goodbye June. This story follows a woman named June whose cancer journey has reached the limits of what treatment can provide. She is now facing her last days over the weeks leading up to Christmas. Upon hearing the news that their mother’s cancer has worsened, June’s four adult children arrive to support their mother and better understand what is happening. The conversations that follow reflect what we often see in hospice. With family members trying to understand how this can be happening, and wanting what is best for their loved one, all the while navigating interpersonal dynamics that have existed for years.

For June, this means frequent visits from her adult children, who all lead very different lives. Her oldest daughter, Helen, is a free spirit who lives abroad. Son Connor lives at home, not yet established in who he wants to be. Daughter Julia carries a lot of responsibility for the entire family; and daughter Molly struggles with a challenging marriage and a difficult financial situation. For her part, June wants her children to be happy, to repair what is broken between them, and over the course of the film she creates opportunities for this to happen. This results in deeply emotional conversations that demonstrate how love can bring us together as well as divide us when we don’t know how to show it properly. June’s children further identify ways their mother won’t be there in the future as part of their grief, including daughter Helen, who is expecting her first child. These moments highlight the ways grief shows up even before death arrives, revealing the holes in our lives that will be empty without our loved one.

While June’s children and grandchildren fill up much of the space in the film, her husband’s response and how his children respond to his grief are also part of the narrative. His story illuminates the way grief can manifest itself differently for each of us. During much of the film, he is portrayed as being unbothered by the circumstances, sitting in the hospice room watching TV, and not expressing what might be expected of someone who is about to lose their spouse. The film takes time to explore how he feels in a special way, and in doing so, allows the viewer to see that grief can be loud and tearful, but also quiet, reflective, and filled with meaningful gestures.

In the end, June’s last days are filled with drama, love, and a family who deeply cares about one another. Telling a story more about life than death, because our life story is not found in how we die, but in how we lived, and the ways our life impacted others. When we lose someone, how they died can affect our grief process, but our grief is for the whole person. In Goodbye June, we are reminded of this, and that their life carries on for us in the love we hold for them and the memories we share. If you take time to watch the film, I encourage you to consider what you learn about living, dying, and the ways love lives on after we say goodbye.