Conversations in Grief Blog: Playing with Grief

Playing with Grief

by Hilary Furnish

There is something satisfying about playing in a sandbox. Running your fingers through the sand, building castles with moats to fill with water, and letting your imagination take you where it pleases can be incredibly fulfilling. I have never been particularly great at molding sand, and after seeing the works of master sand artists it can feel like my crudely mounded tower with a stick in the top is anything but artistic. However, creative play is not about making museum-worthy creations. It's more about the experience of melding what is inside us with a simple medium like sand and water to explore what is possible and express how we may be feeling.

Creative play has long been understood to be an important part of human development. It encourages us to reach within ourselves to express our thoughts and feelings in tangible ways. What we create is an extension of ourselves and when we incorporate this valuable tool as part of the grieving process, we find ways to honor the losses we feel and express what words alone may limit.

In recent years, the way we play has changed from traditional sandboxes to technology that allows for creative expression. Popular games labeled as “sandbox games,” such as Minecraft, have created new avenues for building and shaping virtual worlds that players can interact with and explore. In these spaces, gamers create virtual extensions of themselves, infusing both who they are and who they would like to be into their characters. The unlimited possibilities, along with being able to engage with other players have created a unique space for grief. Players can design memorial worlds in honor of a loved one who has died, allowing them to maintain a connection with their person and grieve in supportive ways.

Exploring creative outlets as part of the grieving process can feel overwhelming, since there are a lot of ideas available. What is important is returning to that sandbox mindset and just letting what is inside of you come out. This may mean drawing shapes and filling them with colors to express emotion, creating a collage in memory of your person, or engaging in sensory play with clay or sand that allows your mind to calm and your feelings to be released.

I want to conclude this month’s blog with an exercise we use in the support groups we offer at Rainbow. It requires no skill or artistic ability, just time and space to sit alone with your thoughts and feelings. I encourage you to try it or to explore other ways creative play may be supportive as you navigate life without your loved one. In doing so, you may discover the name behind that feeling you keep having or rekindle a forgotten memory. This may help you honor your grief in new ways that may provide insight and comfort as you mourn.

Circles of Grief Exercise

• Start with a blank piece of paper, a pencil, a circle shape (like a small jar lid), and something to add color with, such as colored pencils or markers.

• In the center of the paper trace or draw a circle and then continue to add circles until the page is full or you feel you have enough.

• In the center circle write the name of your loved one who has died. Then ask yourself “What have I lost?”

• Begin filling the remaining circles with whatever comes to mind. This may be anything from the sound of their voice to their special cookie recipe.

• When you have finished filling the circles go back and add color.

• After completing your artwork, take a moment to pause and reflect on what you have written. Allow yourself the space to truly engage with any emotions that may surface.