Conversations in Grief Blog: Shatter & Splatter Therapy: The Art of Destruction

by Laura Wessels

Laura Wessels (center), pictured with her two friends, Debbie Braun (left), and Judy Braun (right) before they embark on Shatter & Splatter Therapy.

A woman who was grieving for her husband visited garage sales to pick up china, pottery, and glasses. She brought the plates and cups to her garage, put on goggles, and smashed them against her garage wall. It’s a story I read decades ago as an idea of how to express your anger constructively and safely when your loved one dies.

As I walked through the rooms of Shatter & Splatter Therapy, Waupun, I observed boxes full of figurines, china, cups, and glasses purchased from a thrift store, ready to be broken in the Rage Room. Already inside the room were a file cabinet and a washing machine, along with the tools —a sledgehammer, shovel, bats, and golf clubs —to wreak destruction.

My friends, two women who were grieving for their husbands, and I, grieving for my mom, headed to the paint room, where we were planning to express grief by “splattering” paint together. We were geared up with raincoats, gloves, cloth boots, head coverings, and goggles, plus each of us had a T-shirt and a canvas that we would “decorate” and take home as souvenirs. We each chose six colors of paint and received a variety of mediums with which to paint, including reusable water balloons, squirt guns, tools to give texture, and of course—brushes.

I filled my water balloon with red paint and whipped it onto my canvas. It was deeply satisfying to throw it hard and see the paint land and splatter.

We were in a judgment-free zone. Where we could feel and express whatever we were feeling with the paint. As we threw, squirted, and painted, we talked. As the paint left our hands, our inhibitions left us, too. We shared deeply, telling one another stories that we’d never told before, exposing memories that had been more private. A song came on that reminded me of a friend who had died from breast cancer. I told them about her painful divorce, beating cancer once, finding new love, and then dying from cancer. I didn’t try to make meaning of her death because her death was messed up, and I was angry about it.

I squirted paint on my friend’s T-shirt. She was surprised and then realized this was both a judgment-free zone and a rule-free zone. We were going to muddy our paint colors, drop and discard tools, and paint not only our T-shirts and canvases but also the walls. We were making a mess that we didn’t have to clean up. We didn’t hold back. We painted with exuberance, not caring where the paint flew.

The three friends taking part in Shatter & Shatter Therapy.

When I want to move away from a feeling of rage or guilt, my spiritual director encourages me to invite the feeling to the table. To have the feeling pull up a chair so that I can sit with it and maybe learn from it. Sometimes, all I need to do is pay attention to the feeling. That’s what happens when the wise woman buys china to throw at her garage wall and when we use the rage room and paint room at Shatter & Splatter Therapy. We get to feel anger, jealousy, confusion, and sorrow. When we allow feelings their say, we find room for other things in our lives. One of my friends shared that when she arrived home, she felt “at ease” and “just had no anxiety.” She described it as “so releasing” and added that she was able to believe in joy again. She painted away her anxiety for a while and made room to feel joy.

As our hour drew to a close, I painted my hand and placed my handprint on both of my friends, claiming our solidarity. We are grieving together, and somehow, that gives us hope too.

I invite you to consider using a place like Shatter & Splatter Therapy to express your feelings creatively. If you are local to southern Wisconsin, Shatter & Splatter Therapy is a “small business dedicated to helping customers alleviate everyday stress, frustrations, and anger, providing a safe, secure, and fun environment for customers to cope with these stresses.” The business is located at 650 W Main Street, Waupun, WI. Contact Shatter & Splatter at (920) 260-1541, Shatterandsplattertherapy@gmail.com, or find it on Facebook.

The three friends gather at the end of their Shatter & Splatter Therapy session for a photo.