Conversations in Grief Blog: Suicide Loss

Suicide Loss

by Laura Wessels

In the 1980 movie Ordinary People, Conrad Jarrett, played by Timothy Hutton, explains why he attempted suicide, “It was like I was in a black hole. And then I became the black hole.”

This blog is being posted in the third week of November because International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day is Saturday, November 23, 2024. This day was designated in 1999 when Senator Harry Reid’s father died by suicide. The purpose of this day is to provide support and healing for those affected by suicide. Survivors of Suicide Loss Day always takes place the Saturday before Thanksgiving, understanding how difficult the holiday season is for those who are grieving.

In acknowledging Survivors of Suicide Loss Day, we also want to highlight an organization that offers hope to those struggling with mental health challenges. The Little Heart Project, founded and created by Kathleen Jensen, seeks to spread hope and light in the darkness of people’s despair. Jensen explains, “The Little Heart Project was inspired by a similar project in Texas - The Peyton Heart Project, and my own story of depression, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), anxiety, and suicidality. I went years not wanting to live, not thinking anything would ever get better, and having no hope of a better future.” Volunteers crochet or knit small hearts, attach a message of hope, and most importantly, include the 988 number to call or text for immediate support. Volunteers leave the Little Hearts in many places, from bathroom stalls to grocery shelves to coffee shops. Wherever people go, a Little Heart can be left. For more information, visit the Little Heart website at thelittleheartproject.org or contact Rainbow Bereavement Educator Terry Hein at terry.hein@rainbowhospicecare.org or (920) 674-6255.

If you are considering suicide, stop and reflect. Who are the people or pets in your life who need you and love you? For them, you are not a black hole. You are light. Please reach out for help by calling 988 or talking to a friend or helper who you can trust with your pain. If you know someone you think is considering suicide, ask them if they are having thoughts of suicide. Ask if they have a plan. Invite them to find reasons for hope in their life. Explore with them a plan to find resources and support to keep them alive and begin the first steps toward healing.

Grieving a loved one who died by suicide is a unique grief. The bereaved may feel guilt for not recognizing their person’s pain or preventing their death. The bereaved also feel the weight of knowing that their loved one was in a place of deep despair. For those grieving a suicide loss, you may feel isolated in your grief as others may not know how to support you and choose to move away from you, both physically and emotionally.

While you may be helped in a general grief support group, most likely you would receive a greater benefit from a survivors of suicide loss support group. To find a group, we recommend two resources. First, go to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, https://afsp.org/, the sponsor of the Survivors of Suicide Loss Day, for resources and support in your state. Gena Orlanda is the Area Director of Wisconsin. Her contact information is gorlando@afsp.org or (414) 216-4180. Second, go to David Kessler’s website, Grief.com, to watch a free three-week Suicide Loss Support Series, Grief.com – Grief after a death by suicide, for those who have lost a loved one to suicide.

There is hope, support, and light for you, whether you are considering suicide or grieving for a loved one who has died by suicide. My wish is that your black hole will collapse into the arms of light and love.