Conversations in Grief Blog: Turning a Page
Turning a Page
by Hilary Furnish
“I do so hate finishing books. I would like to go on with them for years” - Beatrix Potter
There is something emotional about turning the last page of a book. For many, the final page provides a mixture of satisfaction and grief. The completion of a journey that drew us in and changed us in many ways. As we approach the end of another year, many pages have turned for the last time. Both in the books we may have read and the lives of those we love and lost. We will go forward into the next year, and they will not. The page has turned, and their book has closed.
Facing the future without our loved one can be a daunting and seemingly impossible task. There is often a deep desire for time to stop and to make our lives simpler following the death of a loved one. Beatrix Potter, who many of us know as a beloved children’s writer, creator, and artist of Peter Rabbit and other animal characters, was no stranger to change and loss. She lost her fiancé, Norman, to leukemia and shortly after purchased a home in the Lake District in northwest England. There, she found space in the quiet of the country to plant a garden, write, and draw. Finding the meaningful activity to be supportive, Potter is quoted as saying, “I cannot rest, I must draw, however poor the result, and when I have a bad time come over me it is a stronger desire than ever.”
Knowing what to do and how to live when our future has changed while wishing our loved one’s story had continued is an unbearable task. Responding to these feelings and challenges requires us to be still, listen to ourselves, and simply our lives for a time. To make space to lean into what feels the most supportive. For Beatrix, she returned to the country and did what she loved. What does that look like for you? It may be spending more time with loved ones, letting go of some obligations, changing how you spend your time, and even turning the page on some relationships. Taking time to assess what is right for you and what you will need as you step into the next day, week, and year of your life is something only you can do for yourself. It redefines who you are and who you will be in the next chapter of your life.
As the pages of this year close and the pages of next year begin, it may be helpful to take inventory. It may have been the most difficult year of your life as you supported a loved one through their end-of-life journey. It may feature a chapter filled with as much joy as sorrow. But as you close the chapter on this year, you know the next chapter is missing an important character, your loved one. Yet the page will still turn, and a new chapter will carry the story of your loved one with you as you find ways to make meaning in their absence. Even if it is being alone in the country drawing rabbits in waistcoats or simply sitting with family ringing in the new year. Their memory will go with you, as will the love you carry for them as your story continues to be written.